A Life Lesson

Hello, Everyone:

Today I’m going to talk about a subject that is very sensitive to me. As liberal and open-minded I believe myself to be from my participation in interracial dating to my pro-choice view on abortion one would think homosexuality is something that I would not have an issue with. Reluctantly, I admit that until recently it was something that made me very uncomfortable.

I moved to the city of Chicago about 2 years ago from a small town in Michigan. During my job as a waitress I encountered more gay people in a single night than I possibly had my entire time growing up. Initially I was taken back and I thought it was something that was wrong. I always looked at life as a means to procreate (try not to cringe) and clearly being gay/lesbian doesn’t allow for that to happen. My biggest fear was having a gay child or possibly marrying someone that ended up being a closeted homosexual. It wasn’t that I hated gay people at all, I don’t hate anyone, it was more a less a dislike for the way they lived their lives. As hard as it is to come to terms with I think being from a small town has warped my perception of the world.

My best friend (a guy) and I moved to Chicago at the same time. Almost immediately following the move he grew very distant. Keep in mind all throughout high school and college we were attached at the hip, he was more like a brother to me than a friend. Any who, he began to go through religious/spiritual changes and almost completely withdrew from me and I got angry because I didn’t know what was going on. I thought maybe because I didn’t share in his new religious views that he couldn’t be friends with me anymore. About a year and a half went by without much communication between the two of us until about 2 months ago when he came out in a status on Facebook.

At first I didn’t take it well, in fact, I think my reaction was quite selfish in that I couldn’t get over how his “new-founded” sexuality affected ME! Instead of my first thought being how hard/confusing life must have been for him for 25 years, I assumed that the person I once considered a brother was no longer. While I don’t think it’s entirely wrong to fear that a person once coming out will be different than the person one has grown to love, it is selfish to not first consider the pain that your loved one has suffered keeping such a secret for so long.

My biggest regret has been and will likely always be that he didn’t feel like he could talk to me about it. Of course, I know why he couldn’t… because he knew where I stood on the issue and I thought he stood with me. Since coming out, we have spoken and contrary to what I believed, he is the same person I’ve known for the past 10 years. I’ve learned that our sexuality doesn’t define who we are it’s merely a characteristic of our being. Sometimes in life it takes something that you frown upon to affect your personal world to understand how foolish an issue it was to frown upon in the first place. I’m grateful to have been given a second chance with my best friend and I’m grateful that the uncomfortable feeling that was once so strong in me has subsided. Frankly, being gay makes one a part of the minority communities which should stick together. xoxoxo

This post is dedicated to my best friend, BJ. I love you.